2008 Woodie Awards
Get to know your true self
Nick Kepley
Issue date: 1/9/06 Section: Forum
- Page 1 of 1
My self-discovery started this November when I returned to work at the Kansas City Ballet after Thanksgiving break. I was talking with a fellow dancer, Matt, when he said, "You know I've been thinking, and I feel like I've been here long enough now to call this place home. How about you?"
I could not have felt more opposite.
"Not really," I said.
He asked me why.
"I guess I still feel like the people at home know me better."
It didn't hit me right away, but our conversation stayed with me for days. I had been working at the Ballet for four months, ample time for people to talk with me and get to know me. But I couldn't deny the fact that inside and outside of the studio, I was experiencing a strange out-of-body sensation. At parties, I was shy and did not talk much. At work I was submissive and without confidence.
The person I was in Kansas City was in no way the person I was in North Carolina. More importantly, it was not the person I knew to be inside.
I had friends but they were different somehow. I would still joke around and have fun, but in a way that was not authentic. In a way that wasn't myself.
I thought back to the words my mother offered me on my first day of work: "Just be yourself."
Excellent advice, to be sure. Until that moment, I had not really understood what a hard task that is to accomplish. You would think being yourself-the person you were born as and created by the divine to be-would be the easiest, most natural thing in the world. Society has a way of changing things.
In a few weeks, my best friend came to visit me for Christmas. I have called her the "beacon to my soul." When I am with her that I feel most closely linked to my true inner spirit. Her presence was, as always, a comfort and a joy. I found myself celebrating life and laughing in a way I had not done for months.
On the drive home from the airport after seeing her off I had my epiphany, right there on the interstate. It was not Matt or anyone else's fault they did not know me as people knew me at home, it was my fault.
For months, I had been feeling sorry for myself because I was not in a relationship. In addition, I was not where I wanted to be socially. Suddenly, I was happier than ever because I had been reminded of the person I was inside.
I could never expect to establish the kind of relationships I wanted while being anything less than my authentic self.
I vowed from that day on I would present myself to the world as I truly was.
I had just solved the biggest problem in my life.
I was free to cancel all therapy appointments, to look forward to a cheaper phone bill knowing there would be no more desperate phone calls home.
We know ourselves better than anyone else does. That is never going to change unless we share our knowledge with others. Dr. Phil McGraw says that we "teach others how to treat us."
In this New Year I leave you with the sage advice to "just be yourself." Follow it and see what you discover.
nkepley@unews.com
I could not have felt more opposite.
"Not really," I said.
He asked me why.
"I guess I still feel like the people at home know me better."
It didn't hit me right away, but our conversation stayed with me for days. I had been working at the Ballet for four months, ample time for people to talk with me and get to know me. But I couldn't deny the fact that inside and outside of the studio, I was experiencing a strange out-of-body sensation. At parties, I was shy and did not talk much. At work I was submissive and without confidence.
The person I was in Kansas City was in no way the person I was in North Carolina. More importantly, it was not the person I knew to be inside.
I had friends but they were different somehow. I would still joke around and have fun, but in a way that was not authentic. In a way that wasn't myself.
I thought back to the words my mother offered me on my first day of work: "Just be yourself."
Excellent advice, to be sure. Until that moment, I had not really understood what a hard task that is to accomplish. You would think being yourself-the person you were born as and created by the divine to be-would be the easiest, most natural thing in the world. Society has a way of changing things.
In a few weeks, my best friend came to visit me for Christmas. I have called her the "beacon to my soul." When I am with her that I feel most closely linked to my true inner spirit. Her presence was, as always, a comfort and a joy. I found myself celebrating life and laughing in a way I had not done for months.
On the drive home from the airport after seeing her off I had my epiphany, right there on the interstate. It was not Matt or anyone else's fault they did not know me as people knew me at home, it was my fault.
For months, I had been feeling sorry for myself because I was not in a relationship. In addition, I was not where I wanted to be socially. Suddenly, I was happier than ever because I had been reminded of the person I was inside.
I could never expect to establish the kind of relationships I wanted while being anything less than my authentic self.
I vowed from that day on I would present myself to the world as I truly was.
I had just solved the biggest problem in my life.
I was free to cancel all therapy appointments, to look forward to a cheaper phone bill knowing there would be no more desperate phone calls home.
We know ourselves better than anyone else does. That is never going to change unless we share our knowledge with others. Dr. Phil McGraw says that we "teach others how to treat us."
In this New Year I leave you with the sage advice to "just be yourself." Follow it and see what you discover.
nkepley@unews.com
