Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale play stranded travelers in "Vacancy."

Movie Reviews

By: David Coley

Posted: 4/23/07

In Theaters

'Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theatres'

In a way, the incredibly long title of this film immediately signals what kind of experience you are about to have. But before the opening credits begin, we are treated to something completely different. In a spoof of concession stand ads, surly snacks scream instructions to the audience through a heavy-metal song. They alert you to turn off your phone, don't talk, don't explain the plot to anyone, or else they will hurt you in incredibly imaginative ways.

From these opening moments, the ordinary movie-going experience is torn apart. This is not your "average" film in any sense of the word. It defies all the conventions of Hollywood while still managing to be as entertaining as a studio product. "Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theatres" could quite possibly lure you into a brave world of cinema not seen on the screen in many years - if you can get past its absolutely ridiculous elements, that is.

Based on the popular late-night cartoon, the movie centers on a trio of anthropomorphic fast-food products: Frylock, Master Shake and Meatwad. Also central to the plot is their trashy neighbor Carl, who unwittingly becomes a key to a scheme of world domination when his new exercise machine, the Insanoflex, comes to life and threatens to overthrow the balance of the universe.

While the combo meal tries to help Carl escape the machine, the Plutonians try to get a straight answer out of the Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future as to who exactly is meant to create the Insanoflex in years to come. Other aliens, including the Atari-style animated Mooninites and a piece of watermelon named Walter, also try to get a piece of the action.

And let's not forget the infamous Dr. Weird, who might be behind the whole plot, might also be the father of the Aqua Teens, and has definitely ripped his own brain out of his head one too many times.

If you're still with me and this is intriguing you, then the movie is definitely for you. If you're a fan of the television show, again, it's definitely for you. Compared to the source material, the situations are even more outlandish, the plot twists even more random, the characters even more arbitrary, and the ending even more inconclusive.

If you're still with me and you're wondering why I'm wasting time and space writing about such a ludicrous movie, let me explain. I will admit the appeal of it is going to be very limited. However, it is part of a tradition of art that is often misunderstood and ridiculed. It's hard to pinpoint its exact heritage, but it's possibly absurdist, surrealist, maybe even Dadaist. At its heart is an attempt to make sense of a seemingly random universe by satirizing it in an equally random way.

Nothing is predictable, nothing is sacred, and everything is subject to change.

Writer/directors Matt Maiellero and Dave Willis have crafted their own personal New Jersey where literally anything can happen and does. It's a world that puzzles and mystifies, yet also manages to strike some kind of chord we've never heard before.

It's a world where meat talks, chickens catch fire, and literally everything explodes upon impact.

In Theaters

'Vacancy'

It seems every weekend there's a new horror flick. And no matter how good or bad they may be, they usually do good business. As the genre has become more prolific, so has its outlandishness and its senselessness, each film trying to outdo the others in terms of gore, cheap thrills, and imaginative means of creating excruciating pain.

With that said, let me tell you about "Vacancy." It features none of the following: mutants, diabolical puppets, zombies, vampires, werewolves, extravagant technological deathtraps, or a low-cost European lodging establishment.

There are no self-righteous maniacs trying to teach people the error of their ways by brutally murdering them. There are no killers who find the need to come back from the dead to exact revenge. These are all reasons why this film will likely stand out from this year's already crowded crop.

It's a decidedly simple concept: possibly psychotic hicks trying to kill two unsuspecting victims. The unfortunate duty this time around belongs to David and Amy Fox (Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale). After the Hitchcock-style opening credits, we are launched immediately into their story. No annoying prologue or back story, just a bickering couple lost on a highway at night.

Their car breaks down and they're forced to walk back to a hotel they spotted.

After checking in with the odd manager, the menace begins. There's no labyrinthine secret or legend they have to uncover; they merely have to escape with their lives. They slowly figure out the killers' methods, and are able to get the upper hand more than once.

It's a refreshingly straightforward take on a tired genre. It's short and tight and every action has a reason. We don't care why the killers are after them, we only know they've done it before to others. The only advantage they have is a knowledge of the motel's layout and some '90s-era video equipment. Because the villains are not invincible, it makes the possibility of David and Amy's escape that much more probable, and the film becomes more exciting as a result.

Directed by Nimród Antal, the movie revels in inexpensive and easily produced scares that still manage to be frightening. Heavy knocking on one or more doors or the simplicity of light and shadow are enough to get us going. We never doubt the killers are just creeps in masks, but that doesn't make them any less terrifying.

The film is weakest when it tries to indulge the sentimentality of David and Amy's floundering marriage. Their child has died before the movie begins, and while he is not overly mentioned, there is just a little too much talk about their emotional problems. Another weak spot is Luke Wilson's performance. Poor guy, you can tell he's trying, but he can't conjure the emotional honesty needed to get him through some of the scenes.

If you're looking for a good simple thriller before the onslaught of the summer blockbusters begins, this is your ticket. It's one of the few horror movies of the past few years that can give you a good scare without becoming extremely ridiculous.

dcoley@unews.com