Horoscopes

By: Hassel Wander, The British Persian

Posted: 4/2/07

ARIES
March 21-April 20
Writeth thou your autobiography. Calleth it "A Mockery of Nerdism."

TAURUS
April 21-May 20
Kicking cardboard boxes may be hazardous to your health, because their inhabitants may not appreciate it.

GEMINI
May 21-June 21
Your cup of bitterness is full, so you'd better drink it to the dregs. Next time, consider adding Bailey's.

CANCER
June 22-July 22
The new face of the mob is a bearded fellow who wields ineptitude like a bludgeon. Be sure you have your camcorder handy.

LEO
July 23-Aug. 22
For those emergency baking situations when you find you have run out of coconut, remember fingernails have the same color and consistency.

VIRGO
Aug. 23-Sept. 22
Beware smoking pot - it usually means the food inside the pot is burned.

LIBRA
Sept. 23-Oct. 23
Expect an e-mail from the president of Nigeria. Take him up on his offer of the Nigerian national treasury - just be sure to use PayPal for the transfer.

SCORPIO
Oct. 24-Nov. 22
Blue, red and brown, wear your gown when you go to town, don't forget to frown.

SAGITTARIUS
Nov. 23-Dec. 21
Put your stake in YouTube by posting a video of your steak.

CAPRICORN
Dec. 22-Jan. 20
Girl Scout cookies are treacherous. Beware the brownie.

AQUARIUS
Jan. 21-Feb. 19
Smokey the Bear says, "Only you can prevent forest fires." Apparently nobody can prevent house fires.

PISCES
Feb. 20-March 20
Be a hater. If it were really a happy-pappy "small world after all," we wouldn't have grumpy old neighbors.