Dear Christian,

By: Christian Drew Rose

Posted: 9/2/08

So dear readers, I will begin with the confession that I am not a doctor … yet. I am however a self confessed expert on the heart.

Having said that, I will not attempt to diagnose your existing case of mitrovalve prolapse or prescribe drugs to alleviate congestion of any sort.

To be perfectly clear, I will not even advise two aspirin and a follow-up telephone call. What I specialize in are the subtleties and eccentricities of your heart's most viable function: to love - or to cope with the lack thereof.

When you need relationship advice, your mom, dad, neighbors and friends will obligingly dish out their own little pearls of wisdom to you - even if it is unsolicited over Sunday brunch when you are still trying to recover from Saturday night. During those times, you just want to get through your eggs and toast without hurling up your coffee and the Taco Bell you ate at 4 a.m.

So then, just what makes them and that random stranger from the bar, who smelled like beer and cigarettes qualified to be the Dalai Lama of love?

Unlike "Earl" at your local watering hole, I do not profess to know all the answers.

I am just a Southern boy who grew up with his very Southern grandmother and is now lucky enough to have the opportunity to pass along some of that wisdom learned. After all, she was married nearly a dozen times - she must have learned something.

She would say to me there was a lid for every pot, but that I happened to be oddly shaped, so it would most likely take me a while to find my match.

Dear readers, I am still looking for my lid, but rarely discouraged while on my quest. So for my first piece of advice, I offer up this little golden nugget of truth: through all your dating mishaps, minor disasters and major catastrophes, never lose your hope or sense of humor. After all, your next first date holds infinite possibilities for love.

Never think of them as interviews or inquisitions because they will become just that. First dates should be fun and frivolous, not the initial interview for matrimony - which I'm sure I'll cover in upcoming articles.

Together, in this new column, we are going to break new ground and maybe even crack the mold of "business-as-usual" here at the U-News. And I can assure you this, my new friends, I will be your most trusted and loyal confidante and listener.

I know sometimes the truth can be hard to hear, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, but keep an open mind and open ears.

I will attempt to steer you away from the potholes and traffic jams during your journey toward healthy, happy relationships - and hopefully assist, even if minutely, in your search for your matching lid.

If you, a friend, a classmate or even that random stranger you met at the bar, require an amiable ear to listen to your most intimate secrets for a little Southern counsel, send me a letter or an e-mail. I will be happy to oblige.

So until next time, dearest reader, I remain faithfully yours,

Christian

crose@unews.com