The University News

I just read the diatribe on how hard it is to find a good man. The simple fact of the matter is that there are good men out there. I work, as a civilian, with an Army unit. Every day I see good men and women, black, white, asian and even a few who claim to be just human. Perhaps the writer needs to stop bemoaning her fate and look beyond her bigotry which seems to limit her choices and start considering people who are human. Believe me, it will open up new vistas. And, as an added benefit, you may just meet a good man. Pax.

Thanks for the comment Greg. But I have to disagree with you that my forum is a diatribe and that I'm a bigot. I never said that there aren't good men out there. I just said that they are hard to find. If you read the last few lines of the piece, I say that I will keep an open mind to dating and that love does not have to be defined by race. That shows that I'm not a racist. I wasn't ranting, I was just trying to present some thought provoking information about how many black women feel.

Her article was not racist, however last time I checked there is nothing wrong with a black woman deciding to pursue black men only. And I know many people of other races who have standing rules to not date outside of their race. This is further supported by the fact that interracial marriages in this country account for just 6% of all marriages. Of course dating and marriage are two different things, but we can't ignore the relationship between the two. In light of this, who wants to face the moment of "sorry, I don't date your race?" I've experienced it, and it is no fun. After reading the article, I didn't get the feeling that she was trying to restrict herself to just the black race. However even if she was, there is nothing wrong with doing so when you consider the above facts I listed.

Thank God for this article I really thought I was crazy or just plain undesirable. I have been trying to date after coming out of a long term relationship and it has been a downhill battle I didn't know what the problem was. This article has helped me understand why black men won't date. On line dating is a big zero also. The men chat a while and then you don't hear from them anymore but they continue surfing the web everyday. I was beginning to wonder what do they want what are they looking for. I am serious considering interracial dating, but I really don't know how to do that being from a small southern state. I guess I have to go online to do that also maybe I'll have better luck though I really hate to give up on black men but they definitely are not into dating.

i joined this site called www.ebonydateonline.com and there are plenty of single black men on there from all 50 states so if your having a hard time finding love try www.ebonydateonline.com it wont hurt

I am a 34 y/o divorced black woman who does not date outside her race. I take issue with the use of the subjective term GOOD. Despite all the statistics, I have dated more educated black men than not, more gainfully employed than not, more involved parents than not, and more interested in committments than not. The good is in your personal preferences or expectations of them, not in what they have to offer. I will not date a non black man because I enjoy the benefits of being with a black man on so many levels. I would encourage you to travel and meet black men from all over the U.S.A. on their turf, I have no doubt you'll meet some of the GOOD men for you. Another tip is to date men older that you, at least 10 years. All men, especially brothers need time to catch up emotionally. Same age or younger men generally are not compatible with us at any stage in life. By the way, I am not remarried yet, but seeing exclusively a FANTASTIC black man who was passed over by the last female because he did not fit her preferences. He is alright with me. sho nuff.

I read in article about this topic from a man's perspective and I think he summed it up pretty nicely:


taken from http://www.tao-of-love.com/tao-of-steve/a-good-man-is-hard-to-findcolumn-for-71206/

"It took a while, but I think we finally have a working definition of a "good man." He's smart, financially secure, he's good with kids, masculine (but not too manly), empathetic (but not a wimp), sensitive (but not emotional), strong (yet malleable). He likes to be challenged by smart, successful women (but he doesn't want them to pay for dinner), and he's attractive (but he doesn't get facials). For some reason, I find myself thinking about the Easter Bunny and the Loch Ness Monster.

This mythical "good man" reminds me of the "ideal woman", the one presented by TV, magazines, and movies, the one who looks like Barbie. Our culture promotes a physical ideal of female beauty that is both unrealistic and oppressive. No wonder some women ignore superficial explanations for male behavior, the truth is just too gruesome – the possibility that men desire a fantasy, a woman few women can ever be. Are women turning the tables on men, creating an'ideal man' that's beyond the grasp of most men? Perhaps the problem isn't that a good man is hard to find, but that men are finding it harder to be good."

Amen John:

I think there are too many expectations and the script is being flipped. I am a 37 divorced male and let me tell you I don't desire relationships anymore. There are too many expectations. I think that both males and females are not willing to take the faults along with the good attributes in a mate. Trust me ladies I know you don't want a non working, non goal driven, abusive man. Fellas I know we don't want a freeloading cheating woman with no driven purpose in life that is optimistic. I worked hard when I was married and pursued goals that would advance my family financially and spiritually. Back in the ol days that was good enough; but times are much different now as we all know. Trust me I have my faults and I know I do. But I will neverrr go through anything like that again. In my opinion most black women cannot be trusted and are looking to control everything in the home. Sorry but that's where I am at now. I know deep in heart that there are good sisters out here; just not for me. The fact is black males and females just may have to find that soulmate out of their race. We have proven that as a race of people we don't support one another.

Sometimes its hard to meet someone of the same race as you, thats why its nice to hop online and find a nice black dating site, theres a bunch of free ones, check it out