Spring Break
Abstract:
Jesse "Opie" Ross disappeared in November, 2006, while in Chicago with other UMKC students for a model United Nations conference, but his family and friends continue to hope for his safe return.
At a benefit concert held on Saturday in Pierson Auditorium to remind everyone the search continues and to raise money for a scholarship in his name, Jesse's parents spoke of the ongoing efforts....
Originally posted byRay
Those first two paragraphs of the article are really just two long sentences that read pretty clumsily to me. I think because Jesse Ross is pretty well known in the UMKC community, it would've been okay to instead lead with "Jesse "Opie" Ross disappeared in November, 2006, but his family and friends continue to hope for his safe return." Then put the info about the conference he attended.
Similarily, the second paragraph should've been broken up into two sentences. "Jesse's parents spoke of ongoing efforts to find their son at a benefit concert held on Saturday in Pierson Auditorium. The concert raised money for a scholarship in Jesse's name." I think that reads so much better.
Also, it would have been nice to know how much money has been raised for the scholarship. And how the scholarship will work. I.E. is it for UMKC students. Is it for students with an interest in communications and radio like Jesse?....
Donald Ross
posted 3/10/08 @ 4:43 PM CST
Don Ross